Always...

Always something to do. Always somewhere to go. Always laundry to fold and put away. Always toys to pick up. Always bills to balance and pay. Always a blog to write. Always groceries needing to be bought. Always a bulletin to write. Always a craft for school to find. Always work to be completed.

I'm so tired of being tired. Honestly I just feel exhausted. Is it normal for grown woman to need to take a nap everyday? Yesterday I was so tired that I could barely keep my eyes open when the kids were eating lunch. It took all of the energy I could muster up to work for an hour or so before collapsing for a nap. I don't know why I'm always this tired. Mike said its because I give myself too much to do and never take any down time. He's probably right. Even as I sit here typing, I'm planning my day and when I can get what done. How can I not be like that? I know in my heart that if I don't do the million things I need to do, who will do it? It won't get done...so essentially I'm just pushing it all off for me to do later and I hate procrastinating.

I wish I was as easy going as my husband and could wake up one day without a plan. Even when I don't have anything to do, I already have it in my head when I want to be up and dressed by as well as the kids. Its so hard for me to just do nothing or plan nothing. I think my brain is so tired just from all of my planning. I have days planned ahead in my head like a little calendar...and I mean down to the hour. I don't remember being this anal when I was growing up. I know I've always been a planner, but I feel like since I've had kids, its just out of control. Lately I've been feeling so overwhelmed that I've been letting things go that I never would before, like sitting down to watch tv at night without all of the kids toys picked up off of the floor. I have this weird thing that I can't sit down to work or relax unless all the toys are put away...it drives me crazy to see them strewn all over my house when the kids aren't awake. I have been leaving laundry in the dryer longer than usual and haven't been to the grocery store in at least a week or so. I feel so unproductive, but on the other hand I just feel so exhausted.

I don't know if this is part of just being a stay at home mom and trying to balance everything or if I'm really overwhelming myself with too much to do. It makes me laugh when people say I have it made or how easy it must be to sit and watch soap operas all day...man if they only knew. I feel more tired now than ever before, more than ever sitting in an office for 8 hours and then coming home to a quiet house.

me