Randomness..

Okay since my husband says my last couple of posts have been, and I'm quoting, "suicide notes" or a "cry for help" I'm posting on some good randomness going on around here. First up, you'll see Ava, in all her glory. Loving the superstar glasses and enjoying life as she's missing one pigtail and gobbling up something yummy, maybe just a cracker. But chances are, you'll always see her eating something...

And then there's Van...on daddy's new toy. In case you haven't heard, Mike got a drum set, a real one not powered by XBOX this time. Its actually a lot of fun and he plays it in the garage where its not very loud at all. Van is loving it and we think he may be a famous drummer in the making. He's got pretty good rhythm for an "almost 3" year old. Not surprising since Mike's an awesome singer and most of you know I enjoy dancing immensely (although that side is mainly kept private now).

Now onto some pics of Mike and I, very embarrassing pics I have to say, but I'm being coerced to post these. Mike and I attended a shindig last weekend for a friend of ours where costumes were required. I'll let you guess what type of party it was...It was a lot of fun to just be us again with no kids around. I got to enjoy some dancing (publicly, that is), loud music, and lots of fun with my "best dressed" hubby. Please don't laugh, hold it in...

Since we had so much fun getting dressed up, we're even thinking of a "costume" party next year for Mike's 30th...be prepared, we even have an idea in mind but we're keeping that under wraps until it gets closer.

Enjoy :)

B

Just for you dad :)

Sugarland, Should It be?

Well I've never been to a concert before and I just heard that Sugarland is coming to Staples Center on July 19th (the day after my birthday) with Keith Urban (love them both), should I make this my debut into concertland? Tax refund, birthday present, night out with hubby, I'm really considering it...

B

Don't Get Me Wrong...

Okay I feel like I might need to clarify, at least for my husband's sake. A few weeks ago I posted a blog about wondering if people were really reading my blog and feeling more bogged down about having to write than really excited about it anymore. Then a very insightful friend sent me a comment telling me that really a blog is more for myself then for any of my readers. Its really a place where I can let people in to know how we're doing and feeling on any given day. I really took that advice to heart and let it sink in. I love to write and have always done so in journals or even the young girl's well wishing diary. I love to write my husband notes because I feel like I express myself so much better in writing than I do verbally, and honestly I feel like I can be more true to how I'm really feeling without as much fear of judgment. So after really thinking about it, I decided to "bare my soul" so to speak. Well Mike read my latest entry and asked why I sound like I want to kill myself in my last couple of posts. I want to reassure anyone else out there who has thought this same crazy thing....I'm in no way suicidal nor am I even a depressed person. On the contrary, I'm usually pretty optimistic, upbeat, but very realistic and rational. I feel like I am expressing feelings and thoughts that maybe, just maybe, one of my faithful readers can relate to and together we can keep eachother sane in this crazy day and time. Regardless of what you may think after reading my posts, please know that above all else, I love God, my husband, and my children..in just that order. I feel blessed to live the life I do, blessed to call the man I married my best friend in the world, and blessed to have 2 beautiful healthy children. My God continues to give me an abundance of blessings and I try to never forget that....however, as perfect as my life may seem, I am dealt with my share of trials and tribulations just so I can really see my blessings clearly and learn to rely on God with the amount of dependence he requires.

B

PS Thanks to all of my mommy friends out there who totally got my message and sent me great words of wisdom. Its so nice to know I'm not the only one out there...I'll be thinking of you during my next crazy day..or week...or month.

Am I Cut Out For This?

Being a mom has many ups and downs. For all of my moms out there, do you ever have those days that you wonder if you're really cut out to be a mom or is it just me? Don't get me wrong, I love my kids...more than love them, next to my husband, they are my everything. I can't imagine my life without them...but sometimes I do remember what it was like before them...quiet, longer days, peaceful sleep. The last few days have been so rough, so long. Van seems to be going through another "rough patch" again. At this age it must be happening every few months or so, we really get a grasp on him and then we hit another bumpy road. It feels like he just pushes and pushes until he thinks I can't take anymore, then he'll push me one more time for fun. I feel like I say no about 100 times a day and that's even before Mike gets home. At least I can say Ava isn't so bad right now so I'm not tag teamed, yet...I feel like this is only months away.

The last 3 nights I have gone to bed with a headache and I just pray for release by morning. I know Mike gets tired of hearing about my "rough" days and I know he gets tired of seeing me at my wits end, but what else can I do? I feel bad that he gets the Becky that is left over after a rough day with Van and Ava. I know he says he feels bad and understands, but I never truly feel like he does...not that its his fault by any means. Sometimes I just feel like I'm fighting this battle all alone here in this house with the war set...2 (ok its really like 1 1/2) against 1...is that just the fate of a stay at home mom? Do you all feel like me or am I just cracking under the pressure? I know a couple of other young moms who went back to work because honestly they said they just went stir crazy spending all day with their kids. I thought for sure I'd be different and I'd be able to handle it...I've even thought wow I love my kids so much, how could I not want to spend every minute with them, how could I let somebody else spend so much time with them and see all of the things I'd be missing? I even feel guilty for typing this or even thinking it, but am I one of those moms that just can't handle being home with them? Are they not enough for me, or maybe just too much?

You know what's so weird...today's been a pretty good day. Ava's got a bit of a fever but she's still pretty functional and Van had a good morning at school so my morning was easy. On days like these when I actually have time to take a breath, I think...wow I've got the greatest job in the world...I get to spend as much time as I want with my babies, I get to watch them do almost all of their firsts (with the only exceptions being when I'm in the bathroom or some other random place), I get to hear Ava talk when she really wants to(she says nigh, night, hi, and I love you...well actually they're just renditions of the actual words)...but these are things I wouldn't want to miss for anything. I love knowing my kids better than anyone, knowing when they aren't feeling good, or when they have to go the bathroom just by looking at them. I love being around for every part of their lives. So on a day like today, I just have to look at all of the great moms around me who seem to have survived these crazy years and hope one day I'll be like them...looking back at these years and laughing or giving another young mom inspiration or hope.

Not quite waving the white flag yet,
B

Hello Again Old Friend...

Well let me start by saying..I do have a headache but I'm being a trooper for all of our beloved readers that have had to go without the last month. After much convincing by family, friends, and even my spouse that people are reading our blog and do care about our happenings, I am back again to give you the latest. I know I always promise to be back soon, but to be honest, when its the end of the day, I'm so shot...all I can manage is reading all of your blogs...not writing in my own. I find too that I want to blog but I feel like I have to have pics to add and I'm so lazy when it comes to downloading all of our pictures...it has been taking me a looooonnnnnggggg time. But, at last I'm here, just for you, the reader who is yearning to know what's going on in my or our heads.

Its weird, the more often I blogged, the more I had to say...but now that its been a while, I'm not sure where to start. We have been busy, of course, everybody's busy. We have our mundane routine of church, work, sleep, eat, etc...nothing crazy. Our kids are growing up so fast, we're just holding on for the ride now. We find ourselves exhausted every night and our first thought when we wake up is wondering when our next minute of sleep will be. Since my grandma's passing, the reality of how fragile life is, has really hit me. Everyone says don't let life pass you by, but I just don't know how not to. I feel like half the time I don't even know what day it is...let alone week and before I know it, another month has gone by. I've really been hit with the realization that these minutes, every minute, is something I want to seal in my memory. It makes me very sad to think that all of the memories I will ever have w/ my grandma or grandparents together have already happened...there will be no more. I don't want there to be a time when someone else I care about passes away and I think, why didn't I call them then or write more often or talk more. I know that's natural...its just so rough to think that life has ended, no matter how long it was. I really didn't mean for this blog to be sad or melancholy, I just find myself being very introspective tonite. Okay no more gloomy thoughts...I am trying to use these thoughts to push me to enjoy my life more, enjoy my time, and take advantage of all of the moments I have with the ones who mean the most to me.

Blah, blah, blah...now on to what you really care about. The kids are great. Ava is officially moving on 2 limbs instead of 4. She has been walking for a couple of weeks now, although its really only 3, 4, 5 or 6 steps unassisted. If she's holding on to something, she's pretty quick. Its going to be great to see her really go after Van...just wait till he gets all the payback coming his way. A little girl only likes to be laid on for so long before she's bound to take a stand, no pun intended. Van is amazing us more and more every day. He loves to read, do crafts, sing songs, and be independent at all moments of the day. He is still even tempered but has his crazy "almost" 3 days more often now. I know all parents feel this way, how much can I really love my kids...I mean really it just keeps overflowing. Mike and I were talking the other night and realized there will never be "enough" in terms of time with them. I can honestly say, there are just so many parts of their lives that we are looking forward to, things we want to be a part of or see, watch their faces as they experience first. I don't know that I will ever feel like I've seen enough, I'm good to go. Does that mean my faith as a christian isn't sufficient in what God has to offer me other than this world or does it mean that I love my kids just as God loved his son and would want me to, with passion, commitment, and unwavering devotion? Oh so many questions.

Okay well I'll wrap up this post with some new pics of the kids. Enjoy them, I do.

Well that's all for now. I will make a post-new years resolution to try and blog more for all of our friends and family, I will try to not be so lazy. Thanks to all for the countless minutes of checking and still being disappointed by an old title...here's to you!

B

I promise...

I will be back tonite w/ an update...unless of course I get a killer migraine or something tramatic happens. I'm uploading pictures as I type so I should be all ready for a good post. Thanks for being faithful readers and check back around bedtime. Love you guys...

B