Biting The Bullet

Okay so even as I write this, I feel a little anxiety. I'm going to boldy go where I have never gone before...to talk about money. I feel like I have been such a slave to our dire financial situation. Yes Mike has a job and yes we're surviving...but barely. When I grew up we were broke and I mean really broke. My mom raised us on her own with help from my grandparents when we really needed it. I know how much my mom made and how much our rent was and I still don't know how my mom managed to pay any other bills or even feed us. However, because I grew up in such a struggle, I used to tell myself that I would always make good financial decisions so that my kids didn't have to see what I did...the desperation. Once I started working for myself I saved and saved and saved. I wasn't comfortable unless I had $1000 in my savings account at all times. Of course this was easy because I was making tips where I worked and my bills consisted of a $5 pager, car insurance, and lunch money (which was really $1/day because I ate a Twix or Snickers and a Dr Pepper everyday my whole senior year....yeah I know, real healthy). Anyways, I was able to enjoy making money, saving, and shopping without touching my little cushion. Well needless to say, we fast forward 10 years and this is really not the situation.

I think when it comes to big financial decisions, Mike and I do pretty well....its just all the little ones that are killing us. I feel like everyday I'm worrying about what's in our bank account, or how many days until payday, or are we going to make it without being overdrawn. Its a very tiring way to live. My husband on the other hand, lives in complete denial and ignorance. You know what they say...ignorance is bliss (don't miss understand, I'm not calling Mike ignorant, he just chooses to not worry about our finances). I really wish I could just ignore the bill collectors that are calling, or the bills that keep coming in, or the constant thought about what bills we are going to pay next week...but I just can't. I feel like I'm swimming in the desperation that I had to grow up in and it really stresses me out. Don't get me wrong, I'm okay not having a lot of money. But, I'm not okay making bad decisions just because we don't care anymore and so we choose to just dig ourselves a deeper hole. One day I may go back to work full time, which will help us financially, and I don't want us to have put ourselves in such a bad financial situation that we can't get out, even with more money.

I consider myself a fairly intelligent person, so why am I allowing these dumb decisions to be made? I'm weak...that's all I can say. Since I'm always the one saying NO to Mike, he knows he only has to push a little bit or play on my "well we're already bad off anyways" cord and I give in. I know God wants me to be stronger, I know I need to be stronger. I have no doubt that this is one of the reasons God has brought us together...you know matching strengths and weaknesses, so I need to do what I know God wants.

Well I have felt so stressed these last few months as I've felt this downward spiral happening...but it ends today. I'm hoping that as I write this down, I will stick to it and maybe since I've announced it all to you guys...I will feel more accountable. So I've come up with a little plan, yes I'm all about plans and lists...it makes me feel like I have a checklist, somewhere to start and a goal, a light at the end of my tunnel!

1. Stop saying sorry and make a change! I feel like, in all my prayers, I'm asking God to forgive me for allowing these bad decisions. God has blessed us with all we need, so we need to start using it the way he wants us to. We need to put our money to good uses that help us survive. We need to live within our means and not expect God to give us more.

2. Distinguish between needs and wants. We all have these, but I think we need to be more clear about spending just on our needs right now, until we get to a place where wants don't put a strain on our finances. We need to refocus ourselves, make more sacrifices, and just deal for the next couple of years.

3. Make a budget and stick to it. I've done this in the past, but like I said, I give in easily. I need to do this seriously, look at what we have coming in and how we can survive, smartly, and make my husband help me stick to this! This is a must...or nothing else matters....

4. Don't be afraid to say NO. I think I have an easier time at this that Mike. I know he would just shrug at me for saying this...but its like Sunday lunches. We go out almost every week, and if that was it it wouldn't be so bad. But we're always excepting dinner invitations or invitations to do things that we really don't have the money to do. We need to not be afraid to say we just can't afford to do it...again making good decisions for our family without worrying about what others might think. We can think of ways to do things cheaper and still enjoy our friendships without us straining financially, right?

5. Pay off unnecessary debt. Okay I'm not talking about our house or car, I understand those. But we have 1 credit card in particular that we need to pay off and just stop using. We need to start using the rule...if you can't afford it now, then you can't buy it...no more using credit when we don't even have the money to pay it later.

6. Stop eating out. I'm not saying always...I think making a goal, like once or twice a week, and sticking to it is reasonable. Its so much cheaper and healthier for all of us to eat at home...we just need to do it and not be lazy. I need to ask for help cooking when I'm too tired to do it...get Mike involved more. It seems if we do the "make a menu" plan, it seems to work well for us, so maybe we'll do that. I hate looking at the bank account and adding up all that we've spent on crap food...its very depressing and seems like such a waste of money.

7. Curb frivolous spending. This is a HUGE one. Mike and I both like to shop...and this isn't a bad thing...when you have the money. We just don't. We have plenty of everything...clothes, shoes, toys...so really why do we spend more money? What is possibly out there that we NEED? Probably nothing...its just a want...that digs us deeper into our whole. I refuse to keep digging...at least down, I'm ready to get out of this hole!!

Okay well I ask that you keep us in your prayers...keep my strength in your prayers, pray for us to make good decisions and take back control of our finances. I want to enjoy financial freedom!! I want to enjoy the light weight of my shoulders again without this burden always on my mind. I want my kids to not see us struggle for bad decisions we made that were preventable. I want God to know I'm doing everything I can to live how he would like. I want and need to learn to live within our means to survive. We will survive...we will make it....we are turning around....TODAY!!

me

Happy Ending

Well, what can I say, it was a super busy weekend but the end result...another happy ending. This last weekend we had the privilege of being part of Daniel (Mike's brother) and Jessica's wedding. It really was beautiful, the weather was perfect (a little hot for Mike's taste) and the kids were adorable. And here's how the story goes...

We left Friday morning, 4:00am to be exact. We were really hoping the kids would fall back asleep for at least a bit of our 6 hour drive, but no such luck. So instead we were carting off 2 sleepy heads in pajamas in the back seat of our car. The first hour was seamless, except that Mike got pulled over for speeding towards 5am...that sucked. I swear as the chp officer shined his light in our backseat and saw our blanket clad cargo that he thought we kidnapped our little bundles. I even told Mike, you know he went back to his car and checked to see if there were any amber alerts going on. But as much as we tried to play up the pity card for having to drive up north for a wedding super early in the morning, the cop had no pity...and we left speeding ticket in hand. We stopped 3 times, 2 for potty breaks and once for breakfast to try and break up the monotony of the drive for the young 'uns. We arrived a bit after 10am and were so excited to be out of the car and officially in northern california, I believe Dublin to be exact...or maybe Pleasonton.

Well after getting into our hotel rooms and forcing our kiddos to sleep a bit, we headed off to the rehearsal and dinner. Everything went pretty easily, the kids got it on their first trip down the aisle, and we were off to dinner. Dinner was great and the guys and girls parted ways for the final time before the wedding. The guys had a great time, thanks to the best man Shaun who took them on a tour of the old Bath House in San Francisco. Us girls played it lowkey at the maid of honor's house tying up all of the loose ends before the pending ceremony.

Saturday started early by me heading back to Sarah's (moh) house to get ready with all of the girls. We had a perfect morning...just the way it should be. All of us hung out in one room doing hair and make up and blabbing like a bunch of school girls. Thanks to Shayna...we all had perfect makeup. The boys went to breakfast together and then got ready for the mid afternoon ceremony. We all got there early to take our respective guys and girls pics..no bride and groom stuff though. I was the lucky one to get to deliver Jess her wedding present from Danny, a beautiful necklace, very thoughtful...I tried to tell girls years ago he was a keeper....it made her ball her eyes out and we tried very hard as the "maids" to keep her perfect makeup all together. There really seemed to be no pressure or worries as the ceremony was approaching. I have to say the first time I saw Van get out of the car in his little tux my heart just melted. He was soooo handsome...you can not even imagine. Ava was a doll as always, looking just the part. But, something about that little boy...well you'll just have to see. The kids were such troopers that day. Van didn't get a nap at all but hung in there all day. Thanks to grammy Ava got a pretty decent nap in the morning before her primping session. They walked down the aisle wonderfully although Ava was stopping every now and again to look at the pretty petals on the ground...it was cute, she was practically the flower girl picking up flowers rather than throwing them. I had some secretly hidden crackers in my dress for my little girl to give her just the right incentive to finish her little walk. But, all in all the ceremony was really nice. The reception followed and everyone had a good time. The ladies up north really busted their butts getting all the food prepared and ready for the large gathering...I was very impressed. By the end of it, we were all exhausted...to say the least.

We stayed until Sunday, attending church in the morning, grabbing some lunch then heading back in the car for the long drive home. Ava slept a bit but Van stayed awake the whole time. We hit some monstrous traffic on the grapevine, stopped to grab some dinner, and arrived home last night at 1045pm (we left around 2pm...yep that's right...over 8 hours to get home). Our kids were just toast as you can imagine. They were so tired and so relieved to be in their own beds. They were such troopers this weekend and really held it together. They were so good and did everything perfectly considering there were so many expectations...walk here, take pictures now, smile, see hundreds of people you don't know, etc etc. They were just angels and we couldn't have asked them to do any better.

The whole weekend passed very quickly and like I said in the beginning, the end result is just another happy ending. Jess and Danny are currently on a cruise of Oregon, Washington, and British Columbia and I'm sure they are having a great time. They are a good couple together and Jess has grown to become an easy addition to our family. We're very excited to see what the future holds for them. Congrats guys...we love you!!

Check out some of the pics below....

love,

me

Feeling Inspired...

Do you ever hear a song on the radio and it literally brings tears to your eyes...happened to me today, with the kids in the back seat....Martina McBride...Blessed

I have been blessed

And I feel like I've found my way

I thank God for all I've been given

At the end of every day

I have been blessed

With so much more than I deserve

To be here with the ones That love me

To love them so much it hurts

I have been blessed

Across a crowded room,

I know you know what I'm thinking

By the way I look at you

And when we're lying in the quiet and

No words have to be said

I think to myself, I think to myself

This love is a beautiful gift

I have been blessed
And I feel like I've found my way
I thank God for all I've been given
At the end of every day
I have been blessed
With so much more than I deserve
To be here with the ones That love me
To love them so much it hurts
I have been blessed

still thinking of my blessings,

me

Backyard Fun

Well with the weather warming up, our kids are dying to be outside. Any chance they get they are asking to go outside and run amuck. Ava is usually just banging her head against the glass door, that is her way of asking to go outside. She, at 13 months, has mastered climbing both sides of ladders to get to the top of our play set and come down the slide. Its actually a little terrifying as a parent. The girl has no fear and is really willing to try anything. Its amazing how having an older sibling can make you just that much more aware of the fun stuff you can do. Well here are some cute pics we took recently of them just hanging out. Enjoy!

Sorry so many of Van and not of Ava...he was being super photogenic that day...thankfully minus the super cheezy smile that I hear is famous at the age of 3...she on the other hand was not so photogenic...except for the few dad caught when there wasn't a memory card in the camera! Ughhh!!

love,

me

Congratulations!!

I'm sooo excited that I have to write a post. One of my bestest friends in the whole world got engaged this weekend...Congrats Megan!! I feel like I've known her forever and Mike and I have really had the privilege of watching her grow and mature into a beautiful christian woman (ooh that sounds old), okay young lady. There were days I had to force this girl to let me blow dry her hair or throw some make up on her, just for MY kicks and giggles. But now, she has her hair done every day and rarely goes a day without makeup. We have forced this girl to believe in herself what we always saw...a beautiful, smart, witty young lady and now she has a guy who is committed to telling her that too. Well, she just celebrated her year anniversary with her boyfriend Mat, and he surprised her by proposing. He's a really great guy and is not just good to her...he is good for her, so of course we approve. I feel like she is the little sister I've never had. She has been around for all of our "big" events including dating, wedding, pregnancies, both babies, and hours upon hours of talking and venting and is always here to lend me a helping hand. We joke that she is our nanny because she is always helping with the kids or whenever we are supposed to be "hanging out" it always turns into us running errands and me abusing her extra hands. I really do love her to pieces and am so happy for her. Guess what the best part is...she asked me to be her Matron of Honor!! Of course I said yes and already started throwing wedding detail questions at her...I think I made her head spin a bit. But I'm so flattered and so excited for her. Congrats Mat and Megan...can't wait to see what your future holds!!

love,

me

Busy busy bees

As always, super busy.

Lets see, we should start with Thursday. So I believe it was just a few posts ago that I was saying how I always feel like I have soooo much to do. Well what do you know...I took on something else. Thursday night we had our meeting at Van's preschool for enrollment for next school year. Of course we enrolled him because we and him really love it there. Well all of the moms have to take a position at the school, hence the co-op program. Last year I was the auditor and it was pretty easy. I became very familiar with our financials and how our books were kept. So for next year, I was gently told by our President, that I was running for Treasurer on the board. Ha ha...I didn't get much of a choice...I guess I could've turned it down if I really wanted to...but I'm glutton for punishment and tend to take on way more than I need to keep me busy. It was kind of funny actually. I asked her well what if someone else runs for that position on the Board, and she laughed and said "I guess you better have a speech ready". Well it turned out nobody ran against me and now I am an elected official at Van's school. Mike jokes that since we're on the 5 year plan (Van and Ava getting through preschool) that one day I will probably be running that program. Who knows...we'll see how this next school year goes...one day it may be President Becky to you.

Onto Friday...busy, busy. Mike had a golf tournament for work he had to attend, I know rough life huh? And I had to work a boutique for my boss that I agreed to a couple of months ago. So Jessica (Daniel's fiance) watched the kids all morning for us. They had a great time and everyone seemed to survive unscathed. That night, Mike and all of Daniel's groomsmen kidnapped him, literally. He was handcuffed and blindfolded and taken to an Angels game (one of his favorite spots). We were blessed enough to have some friends from church lend us their suite for the night so all of the guys got to go in style...including Van. From what I hear they had a great time. And, Jessica, Ava and I enjoyed a nice quiet girls evening. Here's some pics...

Let's see Saturday was busy as usual. We were invited to breakfast at some friend's house and really enjoyed the company and some yummy food. Then Saturday night we were off to dinner with my mom. We try to hang out at least once a week so she can see the kids and we get a chance to chat. Its so nice having her close so the kids really get a chance to have a relationship with her. Sunday was Sunday of course, always a long day for us between church and naps and just surviving the day.

I was just looking at our May calendar and it seems like we've got so much stuff already booked up. We have the next 3 weekends already booked and stuff going all week long between Mike's softball team, our softball team, preschool, church, etc etc. It seems like the list is never ending and we're always running around. All in all though, it was a good weekend with lots going on. I have a couple more posts to make so check back soon.

Thanks for reading.

b

Oodles and Oodles of Good Things

So the last few days have been so full of blessings for us. Where shall we start?

Well in some fun news, Friday night we had some more co-ed softball fun. Mike played well, of course. I think he may have only gone 1 for 3 but I'm sure he had a double or something. The team we played was really good. Their girls didn't seem like girls at all, they were even wearing baseball pants....get that, not cute softball clothes like our girls, actual boy baseball pants. I swear some may have been men in previous days. However, I switched on and off with another girl at catcher, which was a really easy position. That's the place they put us girls that aren't very good in the field. Our job is really to just stand there and throw the ball back to the pitcher. It was pretty easy and I'm proud to say my defensive game was errorless. On the hitting side, it was not as plentiful as previous games. I believe I was 0 for 3. I made contact, every at bat, which makes my husband proud, but I could barely get the ball out of the infield all night. Ughh!! Hopefully it will be better next game.

Onto Saturday. We had a joint garage sale with Matt and Kaylee Doerr and made lots of moula. Mike and I were both surprised at how well we did and really enjoyed cleaning out our garage for that. Its so amazing...the saying is very true...one man's junk is another man's treasure. Some stuff I totally understood why people bought...kids toys, clothes, bedding...but other stuff, I'm just not sure. Anyways, we had such a good time that we agreed to do another one in a couple of months to clean out the rest of our house and make some more money. And....just to be sweet, my husband took some of our earnings and bought me tickets to go see the Keith Urban and Sugarland concert in July. I know I posted about this a few months ago, but when it came down to it, I just couldn't bring myself to spend the money. I am very willing to spend our money on our kids or even fun stuff for Mike, but I have a really hard time spending it on myself...it just seems so frivolous. However, I'm super excited about the concert and feel so touched that Mike thought of spending our earnings on me alone....and to do it as a surprise...which I love by the way.

More good stuff....last week Mike and I decided to finally give in to our life long goal...not really but at least a few years...and bought some mountain bikes to go riding. We got a trailer to hook onto Mike's bike for the kids and we've been taking family rides. It is such a blast. Its a great exercise and a fun way to get out for the night. The kids LOVE it!! They sit together all squished in the trailer and belted in just oohing and aahing as we go by cars and horses and all sorts of stuff. Our first ride together was up this crazy hill that Mike thought we could make...but there was no way....we actually ended up walking it half way, and our legs were still on fire. However, we've made some wiser decisions about routes since then and are really enjoying our investment. Do I need to mention we got our bikes and the kids' trailer on Craigslist? I think it should go without saying that we get lots of big ticket items on that site for waaayyyy cheaper than retail. Another reason to add to my list.

Then another good thing happened. We had dinner with some friends on Sunday night and they GAVE us their double stroller. I know this sounds lame to lots of you, but Mike and I have been debating buying one for a while now and even starting getting some quotes from ones we've found on Craigslist. We didn't buy one when Ava was first born because Van NEVER wanted to ride in his before...but sure enough now that Ava likes to ride in it, he does too....hence our dilemma. So like I said we've been looking but just haven't made the buy. Then on Sunday we were joking about seeing their stroller in the garage and made an offer to buy it and they said better yet, just take it. I know they will probably read this and think how silly that I'm even writing about it...but we were REALLY excited. And, I already used it today and it was AWESOME. THANKS GUYS!!!

So let's see....I can't think of anything else right now, plus I want to sit down after a very long day and enjoy the night with my hubby. But here are some recent pics for you to enjoy.

Our future pitcher?

Believe it or not, this was a good hair day

My kid's bad habit...pulling skin off of his lip

Pretty girl with an Easter basket

Okay all, I'm off for now. Write to you soon.

Love,

me