Making Progress

Well first off, let me say thank you to all of our friends and family that wrote us heartfelt comments after my last post. I have to say I was really surprised by the honesty that came from all of you guys...not that I mean you aren't honest, but everyone came back baring their dirty laundry as well...it just really made me feel like we're all in this together. I know we aren't alone in our situation but sometimes this desperation just feels so lonely. Last Sunday I heard a class on the book of Romans at church and one verse just kept sticking out to me..."For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate" Romans 7:15. I keep hearing this in my head and this is what is making us make a change.

After I posted that blog, I just felt such a renewed sense of obligation and energy to do good things with our money. Mike and I sat down last week and had a great heart to heart about where we are and where we want to be...and what we need to do, what changes we need to make, to really make that happen. As long as we are on 1 income things are not going to be rosy so to speak, but we can do waaaay better than we are doing....and we are determined to do it. We have made a new budget, went and did good grocery shopping, made a menu for every night of dinner, limited ourselves to one time out to eat a weekend...wether it be Saturday or Sunday...and a budget for Mike to eat out for lunch during the week that has great possibilities to leave him with some fun money if he wants it that way. I think we've got a good shot this time...we are very determined. We are taking this one day at a time...our money diet...if you look too far ahead in the future its easy to make mistakes daily, just like any diet, so we're taking one day at a time and trying to keep eachother on the right track. Like I said, its been a week, I know not very long, but we're really determined this time and I think we came very close to hitting rock bottom, so the only way is up, right?

Some of you may or may not know that we listed our condo for sale a couple of weeks ago. Unfortunately, in line with our money woes, our condo was just costing us way too much to keep. It was a good decision when we made it almost 5 years ago but we were both working at the time and had no kids...obviously lots has changed since then. So we are forcing ourselves to list it as a short sale and deal with the consequences. If we are able to sell it, it could save us almost $800 a month...and boy do we need it! Our renters have been wonderful and ideally they would just buy it from us but they aren't in the position to do so. They really want to stay and were hoping whoever bought it would let them continue to rent from them, but we haven't been so lucky yet. Our renters have worked really hard to keep our place clean and neat and we've had some good lookers since our realtor lowered the price, but no big hits yet. We do have one offer pending but we haven't made our decision yet. We are really praying about this one and hoping we are making the right decisions. We would appreciate your prayers also.

As for our little munchkins all is well. Ava is as crazy as ever and living life on the edge. She has no fear, climbs whatever she can, and tries to kill herself daily with her daredevil antics. We'd love to enroll her in some gymnastics or tumbling class but with our limited resources we haven't made the jump yet...hopefully in a few months. She is a babbling little girl, saying mama, Jess, J (for uncle J), dada (sometimes even daddy), va (which is van), tweet tweet (for birdies), cheese (just started tonite for taking pictures), and communicates in all other ways like nodding no when she doesn't want what you have, waving to you to come over if she wants you and whatever else she has to do to get what she wants. She is quite the girl, but is also such a ham and loves to be sweet and give lots of love. Here's a recent pic of our little handful...

Moving on to our Van Man. He is doing great. He has 2 weeks left of school for this school year and then we are out for the summer. What a difference a year makes. He is making great strides at school and I'm so proud. Just today at church he proceeded to write on a piece of paper, all by himself, his name, mom, dad, and ava....at 3 years old!!! I'm speechless. This little boy has quite the streak of independence wanting to do everything for himself, including getting himself dressed completely (shoes, socks, underwear, shirts, shorts, etc) and undressed, going the bathroom, getting his own food out of the refridgerator, etc etc. I love the independence but I could go without the daily power struggle...I will conquer though. He has become a real sports nut lately and loves to play baseball in the backyard where we pitch to him, he hits and then runs our bases. He also loves to play soccer and catch. This will be another one that if we get all of our "resources" in order, we will hopefully be able to enroll him in tball or soccer through our city. Sorry I don't have another recent shot but here he is at Jess and Danny's rehearsal...showing his "guns" (as daddy says).

Well your prayers are working and we are making great strides towards peace. Thank you for your thoughts and of course I love to hear from you all. Hopefully I will be back soon...with more good news and steps in the right direction.

Love,
me

Biting The Bullet

Okay so even as I write this, I feel a little anxiety. I'm going to boldy go where I have never gone before...to talk about money. I feel like I have been such a slave to our dire financial situation. Yes Mike has a job and yes we're surviving...but barely. When I grew up we were broke and I mean really broke. My mom raised us on her own with help from my grandparents when we really needed it. I know how much my mom made and how much our rent was and I still don't know how my mom managed to pay any other bills or even feed us. However, because I grew up in such a struggle, I used to tell myself that I would always make good financial decisions so that my kids didn't have to see what I did...the desperation. Once I started working for myself I saved and saved and saved. I wasn't comfortable unless I had $1000 in my savings account at all times. Of course this was easy because I was making tips where I worked and my bills consisted of a $5 pager, car insurance, and lunch money (which was really $1/day because I ate a Twix or Snickers and a Dr Pepper everyday my whole senior year....yeah I know, real healthy). Anyways, I was able to enjoy making money, saving, and shopping without touching my little cushion. Well needless to say, we fast forward 10 years and this is really not the situation.

I think when it comes to big financial decisions, Mike and I do pretty well....its just all the little ones that are killing us. I feel like everyday I'm worrying about what's in our bank account, or how many days until payday, or are we going to make it without being overdrawn. Its a very tiring way to live. My husband on the other hand, lives in complete denial and ignorance. You know what they say...ignorance is bliss (don't miss understand, I'm not calling Mike ignorant, he just chooses to not worry about our finances). I really wish I could just ignore the bill collectors that are calling, or the bills that keep coming in, or the constant thought about what bills we are going to pay next week...but I just can't. I feel like I'm swimming in the desperation that I had to grow up in and it really stresses me out. Don't get me wrong, I'm okay not having a lot of money. But, I'm not okay making bad decisions just because we don't care anymore and so we choose to just dig ourselves a deeper hole. One day I may go back to work full time, which will help us financially, and I don't want us to have put ourselves in such a bad financial situation that we can't get out, even with more money.

I consider myself a fairly intelligent person, so why am I allowing these dumb decisions to be made? I'm weak...that's all I can say. Since I'm always the one saying NO to Mike, he knows he only has to push a little bit or play on my "well we're already bad off anyways" cord and I give in. I know God wants me to be stronger, I know I need to be stronger. I have no doubt that this is one of the reasons God has brought us together...you know matching strengths and weaknesses, so I need to do what I know God wants.

Well I have felt so stressed these last few months as I've felt this downward spiral happening...but it ends today. I'm hoping that as I write this down, I will stick to it and maybe since I've announced it all to you guys...I will feel more accountable. So I've come up with a little plan, yes I'm all about plans and lists...it makes me feel like I have a checklist, somewhere to start and a goal, a light at the end of my tunnel!

1. Stop saying sorry and make a change! I feel like, in all my prayers, I'm asking God to forgive me for allowing these bad decisions. God has blessed us with all we need, so we need to start using it the way he wants us to. We need to put our money to good uses that help us survive. We need to live within our means and not expect God to give us more.

2. Distinguish between needs and wants. We all have these, but I think we need to be more clear about spending just on our needs right now, until we get to a place where wants don't put a strain on our finances. We need to refocus ourselves, make more sacrifices, and just deal for the next couple of years.

3. Make a budget and stick to it. I've done this in the past, but like I said, I give in easily. I need to do this seriously, look at what we have coming in and how we can survive, smartly, and make my husband help me stick to this! This is a must...or nothing else matters....

4. Don't be afraid to say NO. I think I have an easier time at this that Mike. I know he would just shrug at me for saying this...but its like Sunday lunches. We go out almost every week, and if that was it it wouldn't be so bad. But we're always excepting dinner invitations or invitations to do things that we really don't have the money to do. We need to not be afraid to say we just can't afford to do it...again making good decisions for our family without worrying about what others might think. We can think of ways to do things cheaper and still enjoy our friendships without us straining financially, right?

5. Pay off unnecessary debt. Okay I'm not talking about our house or car, I understand those. But we have 1 credit card in particular that we need to pay off and just stop using. We need to start using the rule...if you can't afford it now, then you can't buy it...no more using credit when we don't even have the money to pay it later.

6. Stop eating out. I'm not saying always...I think making a goal, like once or twice a week, and sticking to it is reasonable. Its so much cheaper and healthier for all of us to eat at home...we just need to do it and not be lazy. I need to ask for help cooking when I'm too tired to do it...get Mike involved more. It seems if we do the "make a menu" plan, it seems to work well for us, so maybe we'll do that. I hate looking at the bank account and adding up all that we've spent on crap food...its very depressing and seems like such a waste of money.

7. Curb frivolous spending. This is a HUGE one. Mike and I both like to shop...and this isn't a bad thing...when you have the money. We just don't. We have plenty of everything...clothes, shoes, toys...so really why do we spend more money? What is possibly out there that we NEED? Probably nothing...its just a want...that digs us deeper into our whole. I refuse to keep digging...at least down, I'm ready to get out of this hole!!

Okay well I ask that you keep us in your prayers...keep my strength in your prayers, pray for us to make good decisions and take back control of our finances. I want to enjoy financial freedom!! I want to enjoy the light weight of my shoulders again without this burden always on my mind. I want my kids to not see us struggle for bad decisions we made that were preventable. I want God to know I'm doing everything I can to live how he would like. I want and need to learn to live within our means to survive. We will survive...we will make it....we are turning around....TODAY!!

me

Happy Ending

Well, what can I say, it was a super busy weekend but the end result...another happy ending. This last weekend we had the privilege of being part of Daniel (Mike's brother) and Jessica's wedding. It really was beautiful, the weather was perfect (a little hot for Mike's taste) and the kids were adorable. And here's how the story goes...

We left Friday morning, 4:00am to be exact. We were really hoping the kids would fall back asleep for at least a bit of our 6 hour drive, but no such luck. So instead we were carting off 2 sleepy heads in pajamas in the back seat of our car. The first hour was seamless, except that Mike got pulled over for speeding towards 5am...that sucked. I swear as the chp officer shined his light in our backseat and saw our blanket clad cargo that he thought we kidnapped our little bundles. I even told Mike, you know he went back to his car and checked to see if there were any amber alerts going on. But as much as we tried to play up the pity card for having to drive up north for a wedding super early in the morning, the cop had no pity...and we left speeding ticket in hand. We stopped 3 times, 2 for potty breaks and once for breakfast to try and break up the monotony of the drive for the young 'uns. We arrived a bit after 10am and were so excited to be out of the car and officially in northern california, I believe Dublin to be exact...or maybe Pleasonton.

Well after getting into our hotel rooms and forcing our kiddos to sleep a bit, we headed off to the rehearsal and dinner. Everything went pretty easily, the kids got it on their first trip down the aisle, and we were off to dinner. Dinner was great and the guys and girls parted ways for the final time before the wedding. The guys had a great time, thanks to the best man Shaun who took them on a tour of the old Bath House in San Francisco. Us girls played it lowkey at the maid of honor's house tying up all of the loose ends before the pending ceremony.

Saturday started early by me heading back to Sarah's (moh) house to get ready with all of the girls. We had a perfect morning...just the way it should be. All of us hung out in one room doing hair and make up and blabbing like a bunch of school girls. Thanks to Shayna...we all had perfect makeup. The boys went to breakfast together and then got ready for the mid afternoon ceremony. We all got there early to take our respective guys and girls pics..no bride and groom stuff though. I was the lucky one to get to deliver Jess her wedding present from Danny, a beautiful necklace, very thoughtful...I tried to tell girls years ago he was a keeper....it made her ball her eyes out and we tried very hard as the "maids" to keep her perfect makeup all together. There really seemed to be no pressure or worries as the ceremony was approaching. I have to say the first time I saw Van get out of the car in his little tux my heart just melted. He was soooo handsome...you can not even imagine. Ava was a doll as always, looking just the part. But, something about that little boy...well you'll just have to see. The kids were such troopers that day. Van didn't get a nap at all but hung in there all day. Thanks to grammy Ava got a pretty decent nap in the morning before her primping session. They walked down the aisle wonderfully although Ava was stopping every now and again to look at the pretty petals on the ground...it was cute, she was practically the flower girl picking up flowers rather than throwing them. I had some secretly hidden crackers in my dress for my little girl to give her just the right incentive to finish her little walk. But, all in all the ceremony was really nice. The reception followed and everyone had a good time. The ladies up north really busted their butts getting all the food prepared and ready for the large gathering...I was very impressed. By the end of it, we were all exhausted...to say the least.

We stayed until Sunday, attending church in the morning, grabbing some lunch then heading back in the car for the long drive home. Ava slept a bit but Van stayed awake the whole time. We hit some monstrous traffic on the grapevine, stopped to grab some dinner, and arrived home last night at 1045pm (we left around 2pm...yep that's right...over 8 hours to get home). Our kids were just toast as you can imagine. They were so tired and so relieved to be in their own beds. They were such troopers this weekend and really held it together. They were so good and did everything perfectly considering there were so many expectations...walk here, take pictures now, smile, see hundreds of people you don't know, etc etc. They were just angels and we couldn't have asked them to do any better.

The whole weekend passed very quickly and like I said in the beginning, the end result is just another happy ending. Jess and Danny are currently on a cruise of Oregon, Washington, and British Columbia and I'm sure they are having a great time. They are a good couple together and Jess has grown to become an easy addition to our family. We're very excited to see what the future holds for them. Congrats guys...we love you!!

Check out some of the pics below....

love,

me